I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
