He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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