Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I checked into jail on foursquare
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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