It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A+ Viking dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
