Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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