I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
