if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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