Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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