i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
