Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you never un-have a 4some
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
