WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
