just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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