i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize