I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
