Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
