He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
