i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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