don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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