nut hugger
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
