She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
