I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
4 words: hood of his car
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
