there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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