I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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