Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize