i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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