She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
