guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
