I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
