Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
