I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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