I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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