just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
