I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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