Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
