people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize