and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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