I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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