good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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