He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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