I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
