This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
