I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
