u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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