i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
