marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
