My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
