you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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