Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
