You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
