I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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