I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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