Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize