and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
