I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
