Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
