i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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