either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
