And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize