wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
