Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
