I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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