There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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