I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
