im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
