This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
