OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
