I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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