well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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