Your face is a jimmy john
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize