What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
