i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
