Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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