He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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