I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
