I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
two words...techno handjob
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
