Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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