His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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