Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
