we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
