Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
