i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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