addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
