I puked a lego.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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