I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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