four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
