I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize