It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
