just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
