Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
