And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I die, sorry about rent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize