don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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