Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
