apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
