My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
