I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize