This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
