we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
