Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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