i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
