Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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