So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
