Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
