The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
