Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
