Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
